Dear Adi,
On Saturday, i.e., 21st February, we went to immerse your Koka’s asthi (ashes). We went to a place called Srirangapatna, just a two-hour drive from our home. It was me, your Deta, Jupu Mahi and your Aita. The puja was held by the banks of the river Kaveri, next to a Shiva temple. Everything went by smoothly. There was an unexplainable sense of peace after the rituals were over.
As usual, all I could think about was you.
The day reminded me of Rameshwaram almost a year back, when we did the same ritual for you. The beautiful day by the sea, the gentle sound of the waves, the sun rising softly — as if everything was waiting for my sweet little angel. It felt as though nature itself was playing a quiet symphony for my Adi.
That day, looking at the small pot containing your Dadu’s ashes, one thought kept coming to me — this is what is left finally, isn’t it? This human life… all that we do… the rat race… running after our goals, ambitions, family, kids — it all sums up like this. A pot of ashes. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Yet we keep living as if we are immortals. We behave as if we are invincible. We hurt people with our words. We let our egos destroy relationships.
And when the time comes… there is nothing anyone can do.
I don’t know if I am making complete sense anymore.
But after you left us, thoughts like these often cross my mind.
I think a lot now about the fragility of life… how momentary everything really is. I realised this the hard way — when I lost my Papa, my Ma, and then the biggest blow of all… losing you. I realised how you can never bring back a loved one once they are gone.
My biggest lesson through all this has been simple:
Cherish your loved ones like there is no tomorrow. Appreciate them. Love them. Because this moment you have with them… could be the last.
Not a single moment passes when I don’t think of all that could have been if you were still here. My heart breaks when I think of everything I wanted to do with you.
But then I also remind myself — at least I got this time with you in this lifetime. I got to know a soul as beautiful and precious as yours.
Thank you for choosing me.
Until next time, Adi.
Love,
Mamma
If you’re new here, you may also want to read:
– One Year Without You, Adi
– Grief Is a Solitary Journey
– Mahadeva and the space you left behind
