Dear Adi,
Today marks a year since you left us. On 18th Feb 2025, around this time, the doctor told me that you were no more with us. In that moment, my world slipped away from under my feet.
I was numb, shocked, unable to breathe. I was too stunned to even accept the reality — the reality of a life without you. Even now, I can still feel that strange detachment, as if it were happening to someone else and not to me.
I remember asking the doctor to keep you on life support till Deta was back from Dubai. I didn’t want to take the decision of taking you off support. I was ready to pay any price, do anything to bring you back. But you were in a hurry to go away. You just left… you left your Mamma, Deta and Mamba. You didn’t think how we would live without you.
Life has been in limbo this whole year. It’s a miracle that we survived. Missing you has now become a part of life.
Today I went to the temple to pray for you. All I could see and feel was my Krishna, my Adi. I donated a meal at the children’s orphanage. They sent me a video of the children praying for your soul. But nothing I do can bring you back to me. That’s the truth. Everything else I do is only to bring a small semblance of peace to my aching heart.
Today Mamba and I were watching your old videos. In one of them, I heard your laugh… and my heart just stopped for a moment. It felt as if you were still there, being naughty, causing
It’s been a year today, but it feels just like that day. Everything is still so fresh in my mind. The whole day I kept thinking — till this time last year, Adi was with me. I had fed you, bathed you, clothed you. I remembered how angry you used to get when I woke you up to have something.
I keep asking myself — how did I not see any sign that you would leave us that night? Why didn’t I have the gut feeling that something was wrong? How could I not sense anything? What kind of a mother does that make me?
I hope I didn’t fail you completely as a mother. I hope I didn’t hurt you with my words. I hope I took good care of you. I hope you had a good life with us.
I was blessed to have you in my life. I will cherish all our memories. You were my light.
I will miss you and love you always.
Until next time.
Love, Mamma
