Dear Adi,
It’s been so long since I wrote to you. Not because I forgot you, but because too many things were happening, and I just couldn’t find the space to write.
Last month, Deta and I visited the Tirupati temple. It was our first visit there after you left us.
The journey was comfortable. We reached Tirupati in the afternoon and joined the line for darshan. At one point, we were sitting inside the waiting hall, waiting for our turn. As I sat there, I felt overwhelmed with emotions.
All I could think about was our first Tirupati visit as a family. You were hardly five or six months old then, and we had come from Singapore. We had done your mundan ceremony at Tirupati.
There’s a picture we clicked after the darshan. You were wearing a yellowish T-shirt, sitting on Deta’s shoulders. The sun behind you cast a glow like a halo. You looked like an angel — a tiny, smiling, beautiful angel.
As I sat in that waiting hall, that picture just would not leave my mind, and I couldn’t stop my tears. I kept talking to Govinda, asking him how he could take away my Krishna, my baby. I had so many questions. My heart was angry with him for taking you away like this.
When I finally had my darshan, I was so overwhelmed that I started crying uncontrollably. In that moment, it didn’t matter where I was, how many people were around me, or why I was crying. The tears just kept flowing, as if they were cleansing something deep inside me.
And then, slowly, there were no more complaints. No anger. Just a deep sense of peace. Peace in knowing that wherever you are, you would be alright, loved and taken care of. A feeling of gratitude for everything I still have. And a quiet hope that maybe, someday, when the time comes, we will meet again.
When I returned home, my heart was still heavy with missing you. But along with the pain, I also carried back a quiet sense of peace — as if Govinda gently reminded me that you were always being looked after, wherever you are.
I miss you so much, Adu. Even while writing this, I cannot stop my tears.
You will always be in my prayers and in my heart.
Love you so much.
Mamma
