Dear Adu,
It’s been so long since I’ve written to you. You must be thinking, “Mamma has forgotten me.” But no, my love, that could never happen.
Mamba had her exams last month, and we had to travel together. Things got hectic, and I just couldn’t find the time to write. After that, we went to your Mama’s place in Pune. Through it all, I missed you every single moment, sweetheart.
While travelling to Pune, both of us felt this strange emptiness — like we had forgotten something important. And then it hit us: it was you. Your absence was louder than anything else.
The last time we flew, it was with you. You were running around the airport — full of curiosity and mischief — making it nearly impossible for us to handle both you and our luggage! 😊 You wanted to explore every corner of the place.
On the flight, you wore Mana Ba’s headphones, lost in your favourite music. You didn’t trouble us even once. While other kids cried or fussed, you were calm and content. You loved travelling. Little did I know that would be the last time we flew together.
In Pune, I met your cousin after a long time — full of life and energy, A champ. He’d chatter nonstop, play, go on walks with us. It was such a joy being around him.
And yet, it was also a sharp reminder of what I lost with you. A reminder of all the moments we’ll never share. I’ll never get to see you grow into the wonderful boy I know you would have been. Never get to chat, play, hug, shop, or even simply sit with you.
This grief sneaks up on me at the strangest times. On my flight back, memories of the night you left us came rushing in — your dad waiting at the Dubai airport, both of us broken, talking through tears on the phone. I felt choked, breathless, like I had just lost you all over again.
I know this letter might sound like a mess, but I just want to say — I miss you so much, Jaan. I’m trying to figure out how to live without you. But it’s not easy.
Maybe someday I’ll think of you without choking up.
But until then, I’ll keep writing.
Because it brings me closer to you.
Love you forever,
Mamma
