Dear Adi,
Today marks four months since you left us.
Four months of living without our dearest Adi — the heartbeat of our family.
While a lot has changed on the surface, deep down, nothing has.
Not the ache. Not the memories. Not the love.
Mamba passed her 12th exams with flying colours. Even though she was still reeling from your loss, she pulled through bravely. Before every exam, I whispered to you — asking you to be by her side, to guide her hand as she wrote. And you did. I know you did. We are so proud of her. She starts a new journey next month. If you’re still around, be her guardian angel. She feels your presence, Adi. She says she always does.
We got a new TV last week. And all I could think about was how much you would’ve loved it. You watching cricket, sprawled on the sofa, giggling and chuckling like you were watching a comedy show instead. That image won’t leave me.
And yet, the pain of your absence is still so raw.
Not a day — not even a moment — passes without thoughts of you.
Your slippers are still in the corner, untouched.
Your toys lie where you left them. Your favourite starfish is still on the table.
I just… can’t let go.
It feels like you’ll come running out of your room any minute now.
All these little things remind me of everything we lost.
I wish I could turn back time. Just to hold you. Hug you. Kiss your cheeks. Run my fingers through your hair. Love you again in all the small ways.
I try to keep myself busy, so I don’t fall into that deep, dark abyss. But it’s hard, baby. So, so hard.
Still, I push on. One breath, one step, one day at a time.
Because I know you’d want that.
You’d want us to smile. To laugh again. To live.
Love you always,
Mamma
