Hi Adu baby,
Here’s another letter to you. You know what? I look forward to writing these every day. On the days I don’t, I feel unsettled, like something is missing. These letters keep me close to you. It’s like I’m still talking to you, heart to heart. And slowly, they’re helping me get through the days.
The other day, I told Mamba, “Adi has taken up so much real estate in our hearts and minds.” 😊 It’s true—you’re everywhere. When I’m cooking, watching TV, travelling, chatting with someone, listening to music, or just going about my day—you are there.
You even show up in my dreams. A quiet presence, but still there.
Two nights ago, I dreamt that you had come back. We were overjoyed—me, Deta and Mamba kept calling out, “Adi, guxai moni!” You were home, and I went to cook rice for you. But the rice slipped from my hands and spilled into the sink. I couldn’t make it for you… and just like that, you were gone again.
I woke up crying, heartbroken. It felt like I lost you all over again. The pain was unbearable. That whole day, I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t explain it to anyone. Deta and Mamba saw my sadness but didn’t know how to comfort me and lessen my pain.
I miss you terribly, Adi.
Some days I manage. And some days feel impossible. I guess I’ll have to learn to live with both.
You’ll help me, won’t you?
Love you always, Jaan.
Your Mamma