{"id":87,"date":"2025-05-03T19:15:11","date_gmt":"2025-05-03T19:15:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/?p=87"},"modified":"2025-06-12T10:27:58","modified_gmt":"2025-06-12T10:27:58","slug":"dear-adi-losing-you-again","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/?p=87","title":{"rendered":"I Keep Losing You, Again and Again"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

My dearest Adi,<\/strong>
It rained yesterday\u2014heavily. And I missed you more than words can say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I kept picturing you in your red chair, gazing out at the rain. I kept thinking about how you would\u2019ve sat there, watching the rain, your eyes quietly following each drop. How you\u2019d curl up by the window corner of the bed, just sitting there for so long, completely taken in by the rain. And when it thundered, one of us would rush to you, hold you close so you wouldn\u2019t be scared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yesterday, no one needed comforting. There was no you to hold.
It was another one of those moments that reminded us\u2014you\u2019re not here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It hurts so much that life keeps moving, and you\u2019re not a part of it anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Later at night, we went for a walk. And I bumped into one of my cake customers. She saw the three of us and smiled, then asked, \u201cHey, where\u2019s your little one?\u201d<\/em> She didn\u2019t know.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had to tell her. And in that moment, I relived it all again\u2014
That night.
The night the doctor told me your heart had stopped beating.
The night everything changed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet again, I felt you slipping away.
Yet again, the loss crashed into me.
Yet again, I realised we were no longer four. We are three.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Will I ever stop missing you?
Will there ever be a moment where you’re not on my mind?
I don\u2019t know. I don\u2019t think I ever will.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But what I know for sure is this\u2014
I will love you forever, with every breath I take.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Love you, Shona.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It rained yesterday, and I missed him all over again. A stranger\u2019s question reopened the night I\u2019ve never truly left\u2014the night my son\u2019s heart stopped. In moments like these, I realise: grief doesn\u2019t end. It returns, quietly, suddenly, again and again.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26,27],"tags":[9,8,7],"class_list":["post-87","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-letters-to-adi","category-my-journey","tag-grief-journaling","tag-healing-journey","tag-memories","entry entry-center"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/87","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=87"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/87\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":88,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/87\/revisions\/88"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=87"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=87"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=87"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}