{"id":401,"date":"2026-03-03T10:37:42","date_gmt":"2026-03-03T10:37:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/?p=401"},"modified":"2026-03-03T10:42:56","modified_gmt":"2026-03-03T10:42:56","slug":"birthday-after-losing-a-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/?p=401","title":{"rendered":"Growing Older Without You Beside Me"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Dear Adi,<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was my birthday yesterday. Mamba and Deta planned a beautiful surprise for me. There was cake, lots of thoughtful gifts, and so much love. My friends also gave me a treat \u2014 they had celebrated my birthday in advance and we spent some lovely time together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So many people called and messaged to wish me. It felt special.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You know, I have always been excited about birthdays since childhood. In those days, people were not too much into celebrating birthdays, but my Ma and Papa would always do something special for me. I was always most excited about the gifts \ud83d\ude0a. My Ma would prepare Payax (kheer) to mark the day. And I would feel a little sad when the day was all over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Birthdays have always been special to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But even this year, I hadn\u2019t thought of doing anything. The fact that I was celebrating another birthday while you couldn\u2019t made me feel guilty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yesterday, I couldn\u2019t stop thinking about my last birthday. It had been just 11\u201312 days since you left us. The loss was too fresh. It was one of those times when I wasn\u2019t excited at all. I just wanted to curl up in bed and cry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But your thoughtful Mamba and Deta didn\u2019t let that happen. They literally dragged me out of the house to a nearby mall for the day. They decided I shouldn\u2019t be home crying on my birthday. They said you wouldn\u2019t like it if I stayed that way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I went. I went for Mamba, for Deta\u2026 and for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I missed you so much. Every single moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the last many years, you had always been there \u2014 right next to me on every trip, every outing. That was the first time you weren\u2019t there. And there was nothing I could do about it except accept that reality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From that birthday to this one, it has been a very long year. A year of learning to live without you. A year of accepting that you won\u2019t celebrate any more birthdays with us. A year of knowing I won\u2019t be baking another cake for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This year has felt endless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like always, I want you to know I miss you with every fibre of my being. Even though I am surrounded by beautiful souls who love me and care for me, I still miss you. And in every birthday from now on, you will always be there \u2014 even if only in my thoughts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is my truth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A truth I will carry till my last breath.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Love you, Jaan.
Mamma<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This birthday was filled with love, surprises, and thoughtful gestures \u2014 yet beneath it all, I carried the quiet ache of missing Adi.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":402,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[10,9,8],"class_list":["post-401","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-letters-to-adi","tag-coping-mechanisms","tag-grief-journaling","tag-healing-journey","entry entry-center"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/401","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=401"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/401\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":404,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/401\/revisions\/404"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/402"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=401"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=401"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=401"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}