{"id":389,"date":"2026-02-17T09:47:44","date_gmt":"2026-02-17T09:47:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/?p=389"},"modified":"2026-02-17T09:56:01","modified_gmt":"2026-02-17T09:56:01","slug":"mahadeva-and-the-space-you-left-behind","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/?p=389","title":{"rendered":"Mahadeva, and the Space You Left Behind"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Dear Adi,<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was Shivratri yesterday. For many, it is a day of worshipping Shiva, our Mahadeva. For me, it has always been one of my most favourite days since childhood. I carry so many fond memories of this beautiful day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yesterday, however, felt different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All I could do was think of you\u2026 and of last year\u2019s Shivratri.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ever since I was young, Shivratri has been special. My Papa used to perform the puja, and we would visit the nearest Shiva temple. Those memories are still so vivid in my heart. After I lost Papa, I mourned him for a very long time. For years, I couldn\u2019t imagine any festival without feeling his absence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Slowly, with time \u2014 and with you all in my life \u2014 something shifted. With Deta, Mamba, and you beside me, I had slowly started to feel joy during festivals again. I had started healing in small ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But last year\u2019s Shivratri was very different. It had been just over a week since you left us. I was restless\u2026 numb\u2026 completely lost. I thought maybe meditation would help, maybe it would bring me some small measure of peace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No matter how much I tried, I simply couldn\u2019t focus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All I could see were your last moments, like a movie\u2026 when I carried you to the hospital in my arms. That was the last time I held you close \u2014 I didn\u2019t know it then.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That Shivratri, all I could think was how I had failed you as a mother. I kept thinking \u2014 I should have taken you to the hospital earlier. Maybe things would have been different. Maybe you would still have been here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This Shivratri, all those feelings came back again. It reminded me of my loss. I relived that day all over again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And yet\u2026 something else happened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That evening, when I sat down to meditate, I felt you around me. I could see you walking towards me, with that same naughty smile. It felt so real\u2026 so close\u2026 as if you were right there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t know if I will ever be able to experience Shivratri again without being taken back to that day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe Shivratri will never feel the same for me again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe it will always bring me back to you\u2026 to that day, to that moment, to the last time I held you close.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And maybe that is how it will be now \u2014 every prayer, every silence, somehow finding its way back to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Love you always,
Mamma<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last Shivratri came just days after I lost Adi. This year, the memories returned just as strongly \u2014 prayer and grief intertwined.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":391,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[11,22,9,8],"class_list":["post-389","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-letters-to-adi","tag-emotional-reflections","tag-grief-healing","tag-grief-journaling","tag-healing-journey","entry entry-center"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/389","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=389"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/389\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":390,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/389\/revisions\/390"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/391"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=389"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=389"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dearadi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=389"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}